Je suis ici!

First day in France! Success!

It is much easier to write about travel, about plane rides and train rides and people you meet and jetlag and le francais, And we'll get to that, than it is to write about my week(s) before arriving here. It was a time full of nostalgia and sad goodbyes to people, places, and things that I love. It certainly wasn't the first time I've said goodbye, but time and distance and lack of connection/understanding between this world and the one that I came from makes these goodbyes all the sharper. But in some ways sweeter, too. Sweeter because I leave with a sense of knowing that what I leave behind is precious. I don't regret where I am. The sight of the Paris streets and shops coupled with dealing with the matters at hand, whatever they be, quickly begins to wash away some of the nostalgia. But before it is washes away further and tucks itself in the back of mind, I wanted to note that it was there. And there is a love and appreciation for home that I will carry with me as I begin these new adventures. And I didn't write about it before because it's hard and it makes me sad.

But the sadness did not stop me from being excited when they called my name to give me a seat on the plane yesterday evening! That plane was booked full and I was hopeful but not overly expectant for getting a seat. But man I wanted to. I had already gotten myself siked and ready to go. Then, for the first time in ages, I heard my name pronounced in a beautiful and spirit raising french accent as they called me up to "receive my ticket" as she said it in French. I imagine they made the announcement in English too but I don't remember it. I was still hanging on the excitement of realizing that they had actually called my name, and that it was being said like that! Heart racing, all my sadness was momentarily dashed as I locked onto the idea that I was really going! Right now! It was happening!
And now, here I am sitting in a 6th floor studio apartment in Paris staying with a dear friend who was kind enough to take me in for a couple days before I head to Nice. I'm quite content. And sleepy. I might travel well in many senses, but jetlag is often a victorious opponent. But after my 6 hour nap, I feel just fine. :)


A bientot!

Virginia and counting

Well  the countdown to Nice is down to 8 days. One week from tomorrow I plan to be flying out. The flight on the 24th looks pretty full. The 25th is a more likely candidate, but we'll see. I'm anxious to get there and start getting things figured out. I have a place to live!!Of course it was a gamble committing to something without ever seeing it or knowing who exactly I would be living with, but hey this whole thing is full of doing without actually knowing what I am doing. My landlord seems nice enough. She offered to pick me up at the airport in Nice if I arrive at a time when she isn't working. I'll have to inform her that I'll be coming by train and my arrival dates are uncertain. But anyway, it was nice of her!
I realize that what I think I am most scared about is the language barrier. I mean yes I obviously speak some french so it isn't a complete barrier, but I don't think it is enough. Not as much as I will need right off the bat. I envisioned this move happening but with the change that everyone around me speaks English. That is less scary in every way. I know I could find my way around and do what I need and talk to the right people, hopefully make some quick and understanding friendships. Yes my fear level in that situation would actually be very low. Which is why I suppose I chose to learn other languages. Can't ever do anything too easy. It is the constant state of confusion and uncertainty that causes me anxiety. So, I think knowing the cause of some of my fear may help me deal with it. Of course, it wouldn't be near as exciting if it was easy and didn't have that aspect of uncertainty, and ok a teensy bit of terror.

I've officially left Danville, Il. I arrived in southern virginia on wednesday. Spending some time with my mom, step-dad, and grandma who just arrived today. The relaxation is nice but it is also killing me. I feel the need to be doing something often even if there simply isn't that much to be done, or if there is I can't seem to see what the next step should be. I want to start packing immediately.That would make me feel better, but because of some silly issues I can't for a few days. The ups and downs of excitement and anxiety are wearing me out. But the general feeling is that I am happy to be doing what I'm doing and I wouldn't trade the opportunity for anything. No matter how crazy I feel.

Danville Shout-outs.

Today was my last day at the hospital. I was under the impression that I hadn't made very many friends here in Danville, which was fine with me because that wasn't really why I was here this summer. I was here to work and spend time with old friends, who I realize now have become so much like family that I've begun to take them for granted, a mistake I often make with family. So new friends weren't really on the agenda. I didn't want to get rooted in to a place where I was fairly certain I would never return. Especially Danville, which really is such an unfortunate town. But after certain moments today and earlier this week, I realize I have made friends. They just aren't the kind I am accustomed to making on my summer ventures. I have always been surrounded by people the same age as me and in roughly the same life situation. Here in Danville, I nearly never encounter anyone in either of those categories. I guess if I ever needed to feel unique, I've had my fix. I haven't met many people that are quite like me.
 Today I said goodbye to several of these unexpected friendships: Rob and Andrea, the transporters I worked with at the hospital, who liked, appreciated, and taught me despite my unfortunate clumsiness and my surprisingly enduring poor sense of direction around the hospital.  Both more than double my age and have been at the hospital for longer than I have been alive. I also said goodbye to my Thursday lunch buddies, three charming older men who also volunteer at the hospital, likely triple me in age, and who I have had the pleasure of shooting the breeze with every Thursday for the last two months, only barely delving into the life experience and wisdom the three of them probably hold. And of course Becky and Dorothy from the volunteer office who took to me for who knows why and helped make my experience there so pleasant. Despite my intentions of aloofness and detachment, I seemed to have found a small handful of attachments.
  Although I haven't said goodbye to this pair yet, my landlords, Dave and Verna have also made quite an impression on me, which I realized earlier this week when they rescued me from an outbreak of a chronic condition that I have. We'll call this unfortunate illness kilocar syndrome. (sounds a little like key-lock-car, or kill-a-car. Both are appropriate.) Yes, I locked my keys in my car. Again. I called them for suggestions and these two stood in the cold (yeah it's chilly here) with me for hours as we relentlessly tried to break into my car. By the end of the ordeal, we had switched tools several times and were working by phone flashlight but at last, success! I can't really express how grateful I am for this. They did not have to spend their evening rescuing me from my own stupidity. But they did. They have been great to us all summer, not just this one heroic event. I've had the fortune of meeting a lot of good people in my life, and these two rank right up there.

So, all of the shout outs to get around to the general feeling and understanding that my time here in Danville is coming to a close, and although I am ready to leave and move on to the next phase, I will not leave completely untouched and unaffected by my time here, and by the people I have met here. Truthfully, there are more people and experiences worthy of mention, but summing up a whole summer is difficult and this post is getting lengthy as it is.
I have four more days of work at Steak n Shake, a packing day, and then I will be on my way to my mom's house in VA. It is hard to believe. Every change is hard to believe when it arrives. Sometime after it is over though, I'm sure I'll realize it has happened.

September

I can't believe it is September. September 1st. By the time this month ends I will be living in another country. Or at least I will be frantically searching for a place to live. I'll be staying somewhere. I hope. This summer has passed so quickly. And slowly for that matter. This summer was unlike any of my more recent ones. I stayed in the country the whole time and did very little traveling otherwise.
I did pick a new location and explore it, but waitressing in Danville, IL somehow lacks the feeling of grandeur and adventure that other summer ventures have awarded me. I don't want to complain though. This has been a time of learning just like any other period of life. And one thing that I have managed to learn is that I am scared!! I am excited beyond belief. I really am. But I am not immune to the feelings of anxiety that perhaps any normal person would feel right now. John is finally getting anxious too. So that makes me feel better. I'm not the only one. :)
The main problem is that I feel like I should be doing a great deal of preparing, but I don't know exactly what to do. I have my visa. I've made copies of everything. I'm looking for a place to live, but there is only so much I can do when I am not there. What to bring? Well...I'm not taking much and it is too soon to pack anyway. Lesson planning? Eh, don't know what to plan for anyway. (Not to mention I detest planning. Doing? Fine. Planning/Preparing/Packing? Gross.)

People here in Danville are often excited to hear about my life, about what I am doing. I get told sometimes that I'm a "brave little thing," while they tell me horror stories ( some legitimate, others completely misguided ) about what happens to people who travel. But I also hear the assurances "you'll be fine," "Now's the time to do it," "You're smart. You'll figure it out," "Once people meet you, and see how small and amicable you are, someone will take you in." That last one was from a fellow that I met in the library this afternoon. Although I do my utmost to keep to myself, it seems I have a knack for attracting interested strangers. It is always funny to me to listen to the way strangers will talk to me about myself. They are so confident in what they perceive you'd think they'd known me for years rather than minutes. Well, at least they believe in me.

So anyway it all drawing closer, feeling both more real and surreal every minute. :)